The Things We Lost – Epilogue

I stretch my arms overhead, letting out a yawn. My back is stiff and legs heavy, as if my body has undergone a tough workout. It takes me a moment to realize that while I lay in my own bed, in my own room, next to me Nathan snores peacefully.

One date and we slept together? Real classy Maddie.

I have to blink several times before realize more than just my exhaustion has changed. I carefully move the covers so as not to disturb the sleeping giant and go to the bathroom.

At first, there’s shock, but it quickly subsides into relief as I smile at the sight in the mirror. My hair is greying, it needs a dye job. The roots are starting to show. My well-deserved wrinkles from love, laughter and copious amounts of stress have reappeared around my eyes and lips.

I’m back, in my life, and in my home.

Even as the joy sweeps through me, things feel different.

I creep across my bedroom and slip into the hallway. I’m careful to avoid the floorboards I know tend to creak and open the door to the spare bedroom. My heart almost leaps out of my chest.

There, sleeping in the twin beds I remember so well are my two beautiful girls. I grip the side of the door as my knees buckle and tears well in my eyes. They’re back, my babies. Everything I did, everything I fought to change, and my two angels lie just feet from me. It takes all my strength to back out of the room and let them sleep. There'll be time to hug and kiss them when they wake up. All the time in the world.

I make my way down the stairs, admiring each picture on the wall. Ava and Haley growing up. Nathan and I getting married.

I’ve managed to get back to my old life, but it isn’t unchanged. My wedding appears to have taken place in a church, not the beach like I recall from before. And while Ava and Haley appear to be of the correct age, something tells me my eldest wasn't exactly planned. A happy miracle. I can almost see Nathan saying that.

I suppose not everything can remain as I remembered it, but at least I have those people most important to me.

I open the front door to fetch the weekend paper. It lies on my front stoop, exactly where I expect it. Every movement feels natural, like I've taken these steps, and maintained this routine for years. But I now understand what I have.

Clutching the paper in hand, I carry it to the kitchen and set it on the counter before starting a pot of coffee.

While the coffee brews, I reach for the paper and flip through the sections. The entertainment section features an article on Jack and Arabella. Ten years of marriage seems to have been good to them, both are still beautiful, and they look happy in the photo. I wonder if I ever saw him again after that day in the hospital. Something tells me I didn't.

I wander into the sitting room, changed from when I lived here alone, but my desk is still tucked in the corner. My computer sits on top. I go to it, one person in the front of my mind, and do a quick internet search of Brian's name. The articles are ten years old but talk about his life sentence for murder. The records are no longer sealed. There’s mention of his parole violations, his attack on me, and Gina’s untimely death. I breathe a heavy sigh of relief. Part of me hopes I helped to put him away, again.

For some final reassurance, I grab my phone and ring Dee.

"Good God, Maddie!" Her voice comes through as she stifles a yawn. "Didn't I tell you not to call me this early on a Saturday?"

"Guess I forgot." I smile as I say it. At least our friendship’s still there.

"Convenient." She seems to keep her voice low. "Well, try not to do it again will you, I'd rather not wake Wayne and the baby."

Dee has a baby. Now that is a change.

"How are they?" I want to know about every part of her life, everything I've missed. I’m sad I don’t know about it now, but just as when my life rewound, discovering these details will be part of the excitement. It’s all inside me somewhere.

Dee groans. "Oh, come on, Maddie. I'm exhausted. Please tell me you called for a better reason than to just chat."

"Oh, uh." She has a baby, of course she’s tired. "Dinner tonight if you and Wayne are free. You don't have to cook, and I can take the angel off your hands for a bit."

There’s silence for a moment. "Bit last minute, and a tad too early, but sounds great. I'd love to see you."

"Great, let's say six?"

"Perfect. Now can I rest?" There’s hopefulness in her tone.

"Rest up, you have a dinner tonight."

"Bye Maddie."

"Later Dee."

I hang up the phone wearing a huge smile. I’m going to meet my best friend’s baby. Maybe not for the first time, but it’s still going to feel like it. The coffee machine beeps when it finishes and I fill up two mugs before venturing upstairs to our bedroom. The bed is empty now, and the ensuite bathroom door is closed. Nathan woke up sometime during the rediscovery of my changed life.

I set one cup on the bedside table for Nathan, then I take my place and smile into the sunlight creeping through our bedroom window. Today, as cliché as it sounds, the bed feels softer, the air lighter and the coffee sweeter. I am finally home.

The bathroom door creaks with familiarity as Nathan enters the room, a large smile on his face. "Not ready to get up?"

I shake my head and pat the bed beside me. He joins without question and kisses my temple. "Everything alright? The girls still asleep?"

“They are,” I answer. "Everything’s perfect."

"No night terrors?" Nathan cocks his head to the side.

"Not today."

Nathan wraps an arm around my shoulders and gives me a gentle squeeze as he sips his coffee. "Just you and me now, babe."

"And the girls."

Nathan smiles. "And the girls."

I settle into his hold and sip the warm coffee. I may never how I was sent back to live my life of mistakes. I may never know the new path I took to get here. All I do know is this life is my perfection, and I'll do everything I can to keep it. Right then and there, I promise myself I'll cherish every moment I have with the man I love, the kids we made and the life I chose. I'll never question this happiness again and I'll never need to.  I finally know this for sure.

THE END